My Lady
by Queen's Own
Summary: This is what happened on Alanna's 17th birthday with one slight catch: Jonathon didn't find out she was a girl in the Black City. NO FLAMES! Please RR


My Lady  
  
Summary: This is what happened on Alanna's seventeenth birthday, with one slight catch: Jonathan didn't find out she was a girl in the Black City.  
  
Disclaimer: (I'm doing this once for the entire story) Tamora Pierce owns everything here, except for the plot, which is in fact, mine (YIPEE!!)  
  
Recap: It's Alanna's 17th birthday. On a whim, she goes walking in the palace gardens, wearing a dress and a black wig. She leaves her cloak on a bench and goes walking. She's thinking about how she doesn't need a lover, and blah blah blah. Ready to go back inside, she returns to get her cloak and meets someone she'd rather not have met.  
  
Chapter One: Unwanted Meeting  
  
"Is this yours milady?" a pleasant voice asked. Her heart skipped a beat -she wasn't sure why. It was Jon. He stood beside the bench, holding her cloak.  
  
"Yes, actually, it is," she replied, voice calmer than she felt. Don't panic, she advised herself. Ha! Easier said than done, that annoyingly logical voice at the back of her head said.  
  
He stepped forward. "Allow me to introduce myself," he said, casually, holding out her cloak. "I am Jonathan of Conte. And you are-" he looked at her.  
  
She took her cloak from his outstretched hand, keeping her eyes down so as not to meet his sapphire ones with her amethyst ones. "Lady- Lady Faith, J- your highness," she murmured.  
  
He smiled. "Call me Jonathan." Gently, he cupped her chin in his hand and forced her to meet his eyes. He was visibly startled by hers. "You have purple eyes," he said after a moment. "Just like my squire, Alan of Trebond. Do you know him?"  
  
"Sorry to say I do not," Alanna answered softly. Not for the first time, she was exceedingly thankful that she had thought to wear a black wig. Red hair and purple eyes would have given her away, especially to her knight- master.  
  
He looked at her for a moment. "You're beautiful," he murmured. "Has anyone ever told you that before?"  
  
To her surprise, Alanna could honestly answer no. Most of the people she had met over her life had known her as Alan. No one would ever say he was beautiful. Her father barely noticed her, and Thom wasn't the type to make such a comment. "No, your highness, I don't believe anyone ever has." Jon smiled at that.  
  
"Than I have the honor of being the first." Nervously, she braced herself on his chest. Without her noticing, he had put his arms around her waist. Now, he leaned down and softly pressed his lips to hers.  
  
Alanna was startled. Then, strangely enough, pleased. Some inner all too cautious part of her was slightly concerned. She very well knew of his reputation with the court ladies. It would be foolish to become the next of his bedwarmers, if not dangerous. She had no way of knowing if Jon could or would keep her secret. Reluctantly, she pulled away.  
  
"Jonathan- I can't," she protested softly. "I- can't explain." Jonathan stared down at her. She met his blue eyes.  
  
"Just one more kiss?" he asked, equally as soft. Without waiting for her response, he met her lips again. She trembled in his arms. She was scared and confused. Scared of what might happen, confused due to the new emotions coursing through her body. In a daze, she felt her mouth open a little. Jon's tongue slipped through her lips, gently exploring her mouth. After a few minutes of this, one of his hands slipping down to her thigh woke her from her half conscious state. As reluctantly as before, she pulled away.  
  
"I can't," she repeated. "Don't ask me to explain." With trembling hands, she pushed him gently away. A look of something Alanna had never seen before flickered across her face.  
  
"At least let me escort you back to your rooms Lady Faith," he said, holding out his arm. She hesitated. She dared not accept his offer, and yet it would have been rude not to. Since when are you worried about being rude? That nasty, suspicious voice in the back of her head said. Oh, shut up, she shot back.  
  
Making what was possibly the stupidest decision in her entire life, she replied "Certainly, your highness." Gingerly, she placed her hand on his forearm. You dolt, her little inner voice scolded. You can beat his royal ass on the practice courts but it takes courage to take his arm? You're going soft. Alanna ignored her nasty little voice and walked on the prince's arm into the palace.  
  
"Where are your rooms?" Jonathan asked. She hesitated.  
  
"If you could just take me to the palace gates, I would be ever so obliged," she answered, going with the first idea that came to mind. "I'm staying in the city with some family friends."  
  
"Are you sure you wouldn't like me to walk you to your lodgings in the city?" Jonathan sounded concerned. "It can be dangerous out in the streets at night." She made the mistake of meeting his eyes, and hurriedly looked away.  
  
"I'll be fine, your highness," she murmured softly. "Thank you for your concern, but I'll be fine."  
  
True to his word, the prince walked her to the gates. Before he could move to kiss her goodbye -something that, knowing Jon, he was certain to do- Alanna hurried out into the city. He stared after her. "Good night, Lady Faith," he called softly. Turning, he returned to the palace.  
  
Gods, what have I done? Alanna thought in desperation. I'm in a lovely mess. No doubt Jon will wonder why 'Lady Faith' isn't ever seen at court again. He was probably at the moment seeking out 'Alan' to ask him if he knew the strange lady with the purple eyes, so much like his. And she also had to sneak back into her rooms without getting caught -even if people didn't suspect, they were bound to ask some.interesting questions. Goddess, she thought. Why did I have to come up with the intelligent idea of wearing a dress tonight! What will Jon think if he sees me sneaking back in? The memory of Jonathan reminded her of when he had kissed her. Does he love me? She thought to herself. She hurriedly brushed that thought aside. Lady Faith was a pretty, unknown court lady. He hadn't loved her. And if he had, he most certainly wouldn't love Alan. That question set aside, Alanna faced a new, possibly more important question: was she falling in love with Jon?  
  
Seeing a stone, she kicked it. If she was, it was bad indeed. Her feelings were no doubt unreturned and Alan couldn't very well go around professing feelings for the crown prince! She cursed softly. Why her? Suddenly, she remembered what the Goddess had said. The words floated through her mind as if uttered again. 'Learn to love, my daughter.' If she loved Jon, then wasn't it what the Goddess had wanted her to do? And even if it weren't- she sighed. He was going to find out her secret eventually. Squaring her shoulders, she walked back through the gate, hiding her face beneath the hood of her cloak. Entering the palace, she took the turn that would lead her to her rooms.  
  
As she neared her rooms, she looked both ways before entering. It would not do at all for anyone to see a girl entering Squire Alan's quarters. That would be very bad indeed. Not to mention, Jon would be furious. Cautiously, she slipped inside. Listening at the door connecting her room to that of her knight-master's she heard only the sounds of him, moving around the room, preparing for bed. Wondering what would be the best way to face him, she decided to do it now before she lost her nerve. Taking off the wig, she changed into breeches and a shirt. Steeling herself, she took a deep breath and knocked on the connecting door.  
  
It was only a few minutes before Jon opened the door. He was only wearing breeches which made Alanna blush. The fact that he wasn't wearing a shirt made what she had to say worse- and more embarrassing.  
  
He didn't notice her unbound chest at first, only her face. He smiled a little. "Alan! What do you need at this time of night?" Alanna swallowed.  
  
"I- I need to tell you something," she stammered. Nervously, she shifted from foot to foot. Jonathan looked slightly worried. His squire looked like a sheet.  
  
"Everything alright, Alan?" he asked, concerned. Her mouth felt like paper.  
  
"Uh, Jon?" she began tentatively. Her hands played with her shirt.  
  
"Don't do that," he corrected. "You'll ruin your shirt." Looking down, he grabbed her wrist. A faint blush colored Alanna's pale cheeks. "What are you so nervous-" He'd noticed her chest. Alanna's face suddenly matched her hair.  
  
"Gods," Jon breathed. She ducked her head. Jon slammed the door in her face.  
  
Only her quick reflexes saved her nose from being caught in the door. Faithful chose that moment to jump through the window and saunter in. You don't need to tell me what that was about, he said haughtily. Many times, it has occurred to me that you could not possibly get any stupider, yet- he cleaned one paw briefly. You always prove me wrong.  
  
Too upset to even toss a pillow at him, Alanna sunk onto her bed, her face in her hands. Gods, she thought. What did I do? Only because she had to, she changed into a shift and crawled into bed. She sunk into sleep thinking miserably of Jon's kiss.  
  
She woke the next morning with a heavy head and a depressed mind. She pulled on a breast band and breeches. Hesitantly, she knocked on Jon's door.  
  
After a few moments delay during which Alanna shifted from foot to foot, Jon opened the door. His sleepy blue eyes took in Faithful still asleep on the bed, the dress thrown in the corner, and his squire standing in front of him, wearing a breast band, breeches and a blush, the heat of which he could feel. His sleepy eyes suddenly weren't so sleepy anymore.  
  
"Gods, I had hoped that was a dream," he muttered. He was about to shut the door in her face again, when Alanna caught it and prevented it from closing.  
  
"Jon, we have to talk," she pleaded.  
  
"I should say so," he said coolly. He opened the door, though. Walking into his room, he called back, "Put on a shirt, squire." Alanna ducked back into her room, pulled on a shirt and followed Jon into his room.  
  
Jon was sitting on his bed when she came in. Timidly, she perched on his desk chair, noticing in some unperturbed part of her mind that he still wasn't following his own advice to wear a shirt. "Jon, I-"  
  
He interrupted her. "What in Mithros' name is going on here?" he asked, eyes blazing. "I thought I knew my squire! All the time, you were hiding something like this! All the times that- I trusted you Alan, I mean- Gods!"  
  
Her name's Alanna, Faithful commented as he strolled into the room. Alanna swung around to glare at her cat.  
  
"Get out now, you prissy cat," she hissed. Without turning a hair, Faithful turned and sauntered back into Alanna's room. When he had gone, Jon turned back to her.  
  
"Tell me who you are now!" he nearly shouted. Alanna winced. She didn't want anyone else hearing about this. Sighing, she started.  
  
"Faithful is right. My name really is Alanna of Trebond. I was supposed to go to the convent and my identical twin, Thom was supposed to come here and be a knight. Really, Thom wanted to be the greatest sorcerer ever alive and I didn't want to have anything to do with the convent. Needless to say, we switched places. He's in the Mithran cloisters, now I expect. And I- I'm here. Our father didn't care, Coram didn't wanted to see things that weren't there for the next eight years and Maude, the village healing woman Saw in the fire that it was the right thing to do." The entire time she was speaking, she hadn't looked at his face. Now, hesitantly, she did. He was looking at her, too. Scared, she returned her gaze to her bare feet. After a few minutes, she felt Jonathon's hand on her chin, forcing her to look at him. His eyes were serious.  
  
"I won't tell anybody, Alanna," he said quietly. "Your secret's safe with me." Alanna almost hugged him, but didn't. That would not have been received well.  
  
"Thank you, your highness," she whispered. Silently, she slipped back into her room and shut the door.  
  
For the next week, nothing changed. Jon still called her Alan and never mentioned Lady Faith -presumably, she had been forgotten in light of the startling facts Alanna had revealed. Alanna felt a bit disappointed, though she didn't know why. Faithful never found about the kisses. Alanna figured that it was probably the end of the matter.  
  
A week after her birthday, Alanna put on a dress and her wig. Deep in thought, she went for a walk in the gardens.  
  
Sitting on the same bench, she turned her face to the disappearing moon. Hearing footsteps behind her, she turned and stood. It was Jon.  
  
The blood rushed from her face as she slipped the wig from her hair. Jon's eyes widened in surprise. "Alanna?" he asked incredulously. She hung her head.  
  
"Sorry," she whispered. His hands on her waist made her look up. She'd never seen the emotion in his soft blue eyes before.  
  
She put her hands on his chest. "Jon?"  
  
He smiled. "Would this still be a problem?"  
  
Before she even thought, his lips were on hers. After a moment, he eased away. Alanna felt giddy, yet her doubts were gone. She wanted to be his.  
  
"No," she breathed. She yielded to Jon's next kiss, opening her mouth to his tongue's gentle prodding. Her arms went around to the middle of his back. One of his hands was at her neck, fingers intertwined in her hair; the other rested at the small of her back.  
  
He stopped kissing her. She looked at him. His eyes were over bright. As his hand touched her bodice lacing, she put her hand over his.  
  
"Jon, we can't," she said, pleadingly. "Don't. I'm scared."  
  
"Don't be," he murmured, caressing her hair. "We belong together. Is that to be feared?" When he saw the conflicting emotions in her eyes, he sighed. "I could never force you." He released her from his embrace. With a final glance backwards, she fled.  
  
She slammed the door of her room behind her, leaning against her. Why? Hadn't she learned her lesson last time? Goddess!  
  
Remembering how Jon's kiss had felt, Alanna felt heat rise in her cheeks. She didn't want a lover or the complications one would bring. And yet.  
  
Learn to love, my daughter. The ghostly words echoed through her head again. She quivered. She wanted Jon to love her. She'd wanted to be his for a long time.  
  
Softly, she knocked on the connecting door. He opened it. "Jon," she whispered. "I."  
  
"Shhh." He silenced her with his thumb on her lips. Quietly, he searched her eyes. Seeing the right thing there, he pulled her into his room and shut the door.  
  
He brushed copper hair behind her ear. The light brush of his fingertips sent shivers down her spine. He pulled her against him. One of his hands wrapped around her waist, the other cradled her jaw. Her hands were both on his shoulders. His lips brushed against her lips and stayed. His lips and tongue caressed hers.  
  
After a moment, the hand on her jaw traveled once more to her bodice strings. He stopped kissing her for a moment, looking at her face. Her only reaction was to smile and draw his face down to hers for another kiss.  
  
"I love you," Jon murmured. Then, their lips met and Alanna knew, without a doubt, that she loved him. 


End file.
